A Little Air of simplicity amongst the crowded publicity

I'm really very very exhausted. Mentally and physically.

yes the nights were fun. From friday night till today , nights have been spent outside drinking.

Friday night was a bomb cos it was drinking games with the cheerios!

Saturday night was crazieeee after hopping to 2 diff clubs!! with lots of shots beer and vodkha unwasted.

Sunday night was another round of drinking.

And monday night is spent getting ready to hate back to camp.

And that's before this coming wed of mambo!

But i can't keep this going forever. It's a pain that is accumulating. But i gotta hold on.

Oh did i mention that this friday's gonna be a camp and i'm doing the camp fire? haha. crazy month of september!

I miss doing weekends with my team . Like seriously. Doing duty with my team is like taking a break from all the havoc and chaos. and especially during the weekends you just feel all the serenity and the peace with that group. as much as they enjoy teasing me , i loveeeeee my team .

ok . where was i? pain ? yea. definitely painful.

The things I lost in that fire,

At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in the world. Some are running scared.. some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls -- and sometimes.. all you need is 1.

Stephen King once wrote: 'Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away.. and in the end.. there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometime we lose them there again."

My service term is coming to an end. And yet through this past 1 years 8 months of being away from education, understanding the freedom we so much seeked, it kinda made me realised how much lost and confused i truely am.

And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.

This year.. I lost my way. And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey... is a fate more cruel.

The journey lasted one year eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone, sometimes, there were others who took the wheel -- and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived...it wasn't me at all.

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely. Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

I lost many things in that fire. I lost once important friends. Ones that i may have lost forever. Ones whom i'm losing at this very moment.

I slowly losing every single inch of them as i seeked to find out who i really am. In that very process, i barred them from entering my heart.

IDA Scott Taylor wrote: 'Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone, and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.' But can i really live in this tragedy that so burns me alive?

I lost Nicholas in that fire when we lost it.
I lost Toon when that very moment I couldn't last being his friend.
I lost Jeanette when I knew it could never be possible.
I lost Hwee Ying when i Lost jeanette. When i couldn't take her words for it.
I lost my class when i let my emotions swept over.
I lost my secondary school mates when i started on a clean slate.

I am slowly losing my current friends when i start closing my doors.
Deryck Long and Jon Hu calls me F16.
Shawn needs me to find out who i am .
Kenneth is tired of my leaving.
And She, whom i'm not sure if i can keep from leaving.

Peyton Sawyer once wrote, " People always leave" But do they always come back?

Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.

There comes a time when every life goes off course.

In this desperate moment, you must choose your direction.

Will you fight to stay on path? Will others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be haunted by your choice?

Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or simply give up.

I have no idea how. But al i know is that i got to keep treading on this very road. Sometimes, things you lost always have a way to getting back to you. And i hope that i will be able to find everything back. But there will always be things you can never retrieved. Things that were burnt and lost in that fire . . .

I was greatly inspired by these people's thoughts on the following quote. Which one am I? Which one are you?

"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." -- George Bernard Shaw

Nathan : "As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for."

Haley: "This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more."

Lucas: "Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had."

Peyton: "Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world."

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There are many things i need to continue finding about myself. September have been truely meaningful and definitely lifechanging. I mean , for a few moments, i know what i want. And the following people have helped me a long way in the road.

My righthand secretary Irene. My good friend.

My buddy whom i found after we left secondary school. We were in the same class for one whole year. Knew each other in the same school for 4 years but never once spoke for more than 4 sentences.

My upper study and his group of friends.

Kohar my dear lil boy .

And not forgetting prolly my closest friend in 8 signal right now. I must be really pathetic.

We all fall down sometimes. But sometimes when you think you fell where it hurt, I'm telling you, it's a good thing I did. That way would I have realised how important being true to yourself was. And not falling into that category of creating Hate and Division.

I'm Freds. And i'm glad to finally belt everything out here. Almost everything. That is.

I'll never forget the saturday. ever.

Misery Mist

Rainy Monday. Rainy Tuesdays.
Only means weekdays blues.

I'm here blogging simply because there's absolutely NOTHING to do in camp.
Even though stepping down from official duties is a good thing since ORD is coming close, however, the air of stabbings fills the air in my company office.

I'm just astounded by the lies and backstabbings going on. Being not-so-close-or-friendly to the more dominant people in the platoon probably make my days left more miserable than ever. But i'll survive!

It's about patience and knowing how sure you are of yourself, not to explode. If you don't take part in a bitch war, you'll be the final winner.
SImply cos there's no logic at all in a bitch war. You already said it. It's a bitch war.

An eye for An eye Makes the Whole World Blind. I gladly believe this saying any day. God rewards those for their faith. And those who betrays it, will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Even though i'm a non believer, i believe in justice. Not man-made, but a justice that will let one realise his mistakes =)

I make mistakes all the time, and i'm learning. Are you?

Everyday

Tumblr has been an extremely addictive tool for me this past 2 weeks. To the extent that Blogger seems to be an extinct memory. But i'm back to spill in text, some thoughts i have had.

I'm in my final duty weekend. And i'm loving every moment of it. The people, the fun and of cos, the food [ I'll reveal abt it later]

The people : Wild, fun , thoughtful and everything NICE!!!

Jin Ying, Mu Lin, Lionel, DOminic, Johann, 2LT Yupo, 2SG Kelvin, ZHong Hao, Jaryl, Sek Huat, Ming de and Wei Kuan.

It's my final duty with them and they're still ever so nice.

I'll miss late night talks with these grp of people whom have completed duties after duties with me. I'm not ORDing as of yet, but i just wanted to show my heartfelt appreciation for the people you know.

For the late night talks, funny conversations, wild behaviours and all the fun we have playing CITADEL. Thanks.

Thanks guys for the AWESOME dinner . EVEN though i was sweating like hell[together with sek huat] . And i had to make a trip to the water cooler 4 times!! But it was a great dinner =) Call me back when you guys are having the next dinner =))

I'll miss team 2.

Ok. i only have 11.5 OFFS and Leaves to clear. How is that enough to even breakaway from camp for 2 whole months?!?!
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On the other hand. It's been official that me and my once good friend are now disassociated, unrelated and definitely not even friends. The only thing he took with him from me are all that he can use to bring me down with . So all the best . For all the lil sacrifices i made, it was worth it. I'm the problem. SO glad you decided not be associated with this problem so that your reputation will not be dragged down with it. You did that once to Marvin, then wei jie and now me. I wonder who else experienced this before us? You know best.

All i want is peace and having no one to bother me for the next 2 months. I'm peace man.

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I realised you make my heart throb up and down everytime i see those smiles on your sms.
I realised you might just be the one.

The break from emo-ness.

Friday is finally here =)

A big cheers to a full weekend. It's been a while since i caught up with my 2 best buds. And all the other people who rule my world.

Oh yea i finally sound so happy right?

Hmm saying which, there's loads of movies yet to be caught this weekend anyways. Smiles.

Oh yea, life in camp is pretti------ serene. There's always the usual drama and all. But, who cares?
I have my spunky team 2 people there. Mr Ba Yee and Mr hair band always make my day, even though they're 24-7 teasers. ANd Mr Merchant, honest and straight forward =)) Besides my team, There's mr clown there also , i'm not forgetting ya k.

I'm quite sad that i won't be able to run anymore for this period of time. Simply cos my heart's aching up again. haha not heartbreaks la.

Mahjong sessions have been filling up many of my free days. Mahjong , to me is like a bonding session with friends. Since you're playing with friends, it's not money that matters. Or for the fact, winning or losing.

Final duty starts next week !! And i'm looking forward to it. since it's the final time i can spend the weekend with my inmates!

With switchfoot, the script as my all time favorite bands, Life is goooooddd!!

Ok, here's to love and life and friends. Not forgetting Work.

The RUn

Safra has their Bay Run today, also known as the Army Half MArathon.
I had the important task of running for my formation : SIgnals, thus my Blue SInglet, which was different from the rest of the formation, red.

Well, 21km is sure no easy feat, for me. ANd i totally Under performed. Just so inconsistent and unpredictable. But i completed it and that's waht matters.

What kept me totally motivated was actually towards the end of the race, when running past the F1 Race track, signboard were raised. ANd one particular motivational signboard, had me smile to myself when i was in pain and struggling:

'Pain and Suffering Separates Men from boys.'

I did it's magic, and i started to rise up and surge forward.

Well this year's AHM serves as an experience for me, and a new breakthrough as I realise that In order to succeed, you can't give up !

SIgnal Formation COmpetitive Team !

The Young ones of the team !
[ From Left : REG 3SG Kelvin ong, 3SG Freds, 3SG Toon, CPL Jin Ying, 2LT Kenneth , 3SG Kenneth ]

As the race ended, and there was time to spared since we were not allowed to be dismissed. .

It seemed like AHM was a decade after reunion, cos everyone [ Bravo actually] was taking pictures everywhere!

WIth the ALpha peeps.

Taken with our OPs warrant. Future RSM. He's probably gonna kill me.

My faV Signal Institute sgts!! 3SG wei Jin and 1SG Justin .

My PC , 2LT Yu Po. You can't guess correctly how old he is.

Haha the 2LT sean wong. Funny guy.

Bravo's funny personalities altogether now.

With the new blood of SOTF !

Random faces while waiting for our OC to come into the picture.

Tekong Challenge's Young Ones.

WIth On, KC and Italia!!

BRAVO COY!!!

And a shot which i feel looks weird. WHat the hell am i doing!!

Catching up with past SIgnal Institute course mates!!

[ Left :Yee Hoau, Toon, Solomon, freds and Alvin. ]

TEam 2!!!

And i went Dancing with the great Bollywood tree!!

Me and my fav VSAT Operators!! Mulin and DOminic.

AFter which, was CCI's opening of it's New base @ IMM, where i rushed over. And when i reached, they started amazing race, and there, i had to run again . . .

I'm so tired.

But been very hapy receiving your smses =)

Don't let me go.

The people whom have been there when the sun crashed upon the horizon.
The listeners when my songs were grey and stormy.
The hands when the pit was bottomless and hungry.
You found me.

There's never anything more gleeful than redemption than escapism.

Sun's AHM competitive 21km is drawing nearer and nearer. In about 40 hours time. And i'm really not prepared at all. Yes enoughs, i have ran and accumulated around 100km over the past 2 months. BUT, after puncturing myself on wed's 5km, i'm not so sure if 21km is even possible.
All the pre-race psychological problems as usual.

I really love my bunk these days. The little resolute hideout i have since the restructuring of the bunk layout suits me =) It's really comfy and dark, my kind of room life. Oh the other hand, it's facing the corridors, so it's still visible to the public eye =(

I am left with simply 1 more duty to go. I'm not really sad that i have to end my duties. I'm actually damn elated that it's drawing close. I don't have much to teach anyways cos it's real time experience that counts and the fundamentals to handling the basic problems have been taught. So i'm sure my understudy will do fine =) Just don't get swallowed up .

I realised that i'm actually very busy yet lazy. I have like tons of proposals to draft out, and marketing and publicity matters to build. And then again, i lack proper time management.

Enough with the sms-es that i'm avoiding you all , i'm coming out of the looming darkness to meet you all for fun and excitement. haha lemme rest up first!!!

I personally thought that this 2 songs below have been very much key to getting me through this past month. ANd it's inspirational . So to all people with sadness and pain, here's to ease and let light up!

With just less than 3 months of grace, i have so much to say . . .
But what comes from the heart matters most.
You should have felt it.

Why can't it just end already?

The only thing that are having me hang down there is The script and SwitchFoot.
I look foward to Halo cos there's so much more meant to live and i dare myself to move!.
Ok now i'm talking crap. The climb got me motivational-ish as well.
Here's to 3 more months in a man-made hell. Other than that, camp is a pretty serene place after all.

the Runaway

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes were forced to bend the truth? to transform it because we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up with us."

A story has chapters in our lives to unveil. But yet our stories can never end with chapters with happy endings. It's always till the end that our final fate is revealed. Our lives is in that many chapters, with it's end in grey. At least mine is.

"Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one hour can change everything."

18km East Coast AHM Training

The surge ahead towards the 18km goal.

In life, there will always be others to pull you down, or slow you in your tracks. In the end, it's up to you to step up and leap ahead of them.

"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.' This year.. I lost my way."

But I'm always blessed to have my friends : The memories that lasts each day with a smile that eases all pain and gloom away. =) to the sunshines of my life.

"The journey lasted twenty two months. Sometimes I traveled alone, sometimes, there were others who took the wheel -- and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived...it wasn't me at all."

August Rush Part 1

For the month of July, it's been whole weekends of meetings and meetings. true there have been much fun, but sadly, very little meet ups with people whom have hardly met recently.

Well August have started, and soon it will end and i'll do the annual wake me up when september ends moments.

I'm in camp and completing my 2nd Last Duty before i officially hand over to a understudy whom is capable of doing a much better job than i do.

Well here's some moments captured in the month of August thus far.

Rotaract District Assembly [ RDA]